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“If a man has an apartment stacked to the ceiling with newspapers we call him crazy. If a woman has a trailer house full of cats we call her nuts. But when people pathologically hoard so much cash that they impoverish the entire nation, we put them on the cover of Fortune magazine and pretend that they are role models.”
-– B. Lester

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 Humor/Satire: Bombs of love

Politics
Bombs of love

by: Gary Lindorff


Let us bomb your neighborhood
Guided by our intelligence.
Let us erase your neighbor
Out of love.

Not you, not your children.
Bombs of love!
You should be grateful
After the dust clears
After the evil has been exploded,
After the crater
Has been filled and paved;
We will explode our way into your hearts.


Posted by Blue1moon on Friday, October 16 @ 19:14:09 EDT (986 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Just The Same Old Dumb

Rantsby: William Rivers Pitt, t r u t h o u t | Op-Ed

I endured a moment of deep crisis on Thursday, upon realizing that there might actually be more Pure Dumb in the world than I was aware of.

Now, understand that I have been a Chronicler of Dumb for a very long time now. I am a Student of Dumb, and a well-worn one at that. I got my Bachelor’s Degree in the Study of Dumb during the Clinton impeachment. I got my Masters in the aftermath of the 2000 (s)election. It took a grueling eight years, but I got my first Ph.D in Dumb Studies during the George W. Bush administration. After that, earning my second Dumb Studies Ph.D came a lot easier over the last two years of observing and reporting on the demented frenzy of Dumb that has been emanating from a broad swath of the Republican Party since the election of a president who is a Democrat and also not White.

I know Dumb, my friends, inside and out. But this “story” sent me into a death-spiral of total incomprehension and self-doubt for longer than I care to be honest about in the telling. I stared at the headline for an hour – “Michelle Obama’s ‘Get Moving’ Program Linked To Pedestrian Deaths” – like a proto-human trying to figure out the Moon. I think I even made a few proto-humanoid utterances – “Gu ba? Fuh buh duh wah…urp?” – in the process of trying to work my way through those nine words. Slowly, painfully, as if I had a combination of sand and ground fiberglass in my eyes, I turned my gaze to the beginning of the actual article. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Friday, January 21 @ 20:44:18 EST (626 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Free Those Corporate Slaves

Business Newsby Jim Hightower

As you’ve probably heard, corporations are now “people.”

While these inanimate paper constructs have no brain, heart, or soul, five ideological screwballs on our Supreme Court have created a new Frankenstein monster. Five Supremes decreed that corporations henceforth have a First Amendment right to “speak” in any and all of our elections, by spending unlimited sums of corporate cash to elect or defeat candidates.

This will, of course, have a disastrous impact on the democratic sovereignty of us actual people. But the Court’s idea of turning corporate entities into persons has also prompted a gusher of fun, irreverent ideas and questions from you human-type persons.

For example, will same-sex corporations be allowed to merge? And, if corporations are people, shouldn’t they have to face the possibility of getting drafted into the Army, just as human people are compelled to do? ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Friday, March 12 @ 19:26:00 EST (610 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: The 2009 P.U.-Litzer Awards

The NewsMedia Advisory From:
Fair.org (Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting)

For 17 years our colleagues Jeff Cohen and Norman Solomon have worked with FAIR to present the P.U.-Litzers, a year-end review of some of the stinkiest examples of corporate media malfeasance, spin and just plain outrageousness.

Starting this year, FAIR has the somewhat dubious honor of reviewing the nominees and selecting the winners. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it. So, without further ado, we present the 2009 P.U.-Litzers.

--The Remembering Reagan Award
WINNER: Joe Klein, Time

Time
columnist Joe Klein (12/3/09), not altogether impressed by Obama's announcement of a troop escalation in Afghanistan, wrote that a president "must lead the charge--passionately and, yes, with a touch of anger."

He described the better way to do this:

Ronald Reagan would have done it differently. He would have told a story. It might not have been a true story, but it would have had resonance. He might have found, or created, a grieving spouse--a young investment banker whose wife had died in the World Trade Center--who enlisted immediately after the attacks...and then gave his life, heroically, defending a school for girls in Kandahar. Reagan would have inspired tears, outrage, passion, a rush to recruiting centers across the nation.

Ah, Reagan--now there was a president who could inspire people to fight and die based on lies. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, December 22 @ 23:09:56 EST (626 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: 10 Questions: How Many Democrats Does It Take to...

PoliticsBy Dave Lindorff

Question: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: In Theory, one. But to hear the Democrats tell it, at least 60, because they claim that even 59 of them aren't enough to keep 40 Republicans from pushing them off the stepladder (although for the prior eight years, far fewer than 60 Republicans always seemed to be able to manage the job).

Question: How may Democrats does it take to kill a good idea?

Answer: One. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who by herself kept resolutions to initiate impeachment hearings against President Bush and Vice President Cheney “off the table,” and who by herself prevented any hearing in the House on Rep. John Conyers’ excellent bill HR 676 (which would have solved the nation’s health care crisis by simply expanding Medicare to cover everyone) from getting a hearing.

Question: How many generals does it take to dig a tunnel? ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, September 08 @ 22:26:46 EDT (606 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Join the Anti-Zombie Front!

OpinionBy Cage Innoye

There are dead philosophies and ideologies in the beginning of the 21st century. However, they don’t know they are dead. They are Zombies, the living dead. But they think they are alive! They walk and talk and bump into each other. Stunned, they are unaware that they are actually deceased -- dead people following a dead ideology. They are Zombies!

They spout Conservative theories, deregulated capitalism, greed, selfishness and war. They are bigoted; they are anti-poor, anti-minority and anti-Third World. They are against global cooperation, and want to resurrect Imperialism and a new Cold War.

They hold Zombie conventions and Zombie picnics and Zombie soccer games.

You can see them running Zombie election campaigns, and hear them on Zombie talk radio.

Perhaps you have heard their new slogan: “Zombies of the world unite, you have only your tombs to lose”? ...


Posted by Blue1moon on Saturday, June 27 @ 19:17:17 EDT (698 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: General Guerremonde on Torture Tapes

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)

All right – listen up!

Sexual assault on a military prisoner is torture, right?
Or is it? What if the prisoner enjoys rough sex?
Isn’t it then a form of friendly interrogation?

I’m General Victor Guerremonde and I’m here
to talk to you about public demands to see the Pentagon’s
still secret stash of videotapes showing the sexual techniques
of uniformed American torturers – or are they? Let’s see.

Some people are demanding the public release
of these tapes – hundreds of them – under the freedom
of information act. The President says no way,
these tapes are too horrifying for people to see.

Both sides are right.
The freedom of information people are right, the public
has a right to see American torturers at work.
But the President is right, too – these videos are far
too disgusting, humiliating, degrading, and ugly
to let anyone see – for free! ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, June 08 @ 21:36:59 EDT (773 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Beauregard Ravager On Prolonged Detention

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)

Surprising as it may seem to those who know me
as a staunch opponent of all things socialistic,
I do have a handful of kindly words to say
about our president, Barack Hussein Obama,
for proposing a national policy of prolonged detention.
I even like the sound of it – prolonged detention --
with a hint of subtle eroticism in its prolongation.

Now perhaps there are some of you who are not
fully familiar with the delights of prolonged detention –
it is – to put it simply – a way to lock up people
you don’t like and keep them locked up
until you decide you like them again, or they die. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, May 26 @ 17:22:54 EDT (603 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Pelosi Versus The CIA

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)


This is the world we live in.

Nancy Pelosi says the CIA didn't brief her on torture.

Pelosi's lying.

The CIA says it did brief Nancy Pelosi on torture.

The CIA is lying.


How can it be that the Central Intelligence Agency

and the Speaker of the House can say opposite things

about torture briefings and both be lying?

You don't believe that's a serious question, do you? ...


Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, May 19 @ 13:23:17 EDT (590 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: What’s So Funny About Washington?

The Newsby: Michael Winship, t r u t h o u t | Perspective

A joke is a sometime thing, as wide as a church door or as delicate as a rose. The right or wrong word, too many or too few, their placement or emphasis can determine whether it's a total dud or fall down funny; the difference, as Mark Twain said, between the lightning bug and lightning.

Too much explanation or thought can whip a joke to death, so it was with trepidation that I went down to Washington last week with some fellow members of the Writers Guild of America, East, the u.nion of which I'm president. I moderated a panel discussion of writers from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report and Late Show with David Letterman, among others, to discuss news and late night comedy.

The driving impulse for all of this was the White House Correspondents' Dinner last weekend, "The Nerd Prom," as it's become known, when inside-the-Beltway journalists and their chummy government sources cement their unholy alliance over rillettes and risotto. Over the last few years it has become an Oscar-like event, with Hollywood migrating east to hobnob with the stars of politics and commentary, distracting each other into a trivial frenzy. And you wonder why we can't get universal health care passed. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, May 18 @ 17:01:21 EDT (716 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Donkey Flu

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)

MAN (whispering, fearful)

They call it Donkey Flu –
officially it’s an insidious virus
known as Democrat Influenza Peddling or D.I.P. --
and D.I.P. is spreading fast –
it’s no longer confined just to Democrats and
other unsafe sex addicts --
now it’s spreading through even casual contact
with independents
whose immune systems have been compromised –
-- Republicans have come face to face with the specter
that D.I.P could infect even their most defended conservatives.

They call it Donkey Flu,
but it doesn’t come from donkeys -- ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Wednesday, May 06 @ 19:52:49 EDT (679 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: If Democrats Govern ...

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)

Can we trust the way Democrats will govern
if there are no more checks and balances?
My god it’s a terrifying prospect –
and not just because I’m a Republican –
I mean, if Democrats would govern the way Republicans did,
when we controlled the House, Senate, and Presidency,
then the country will be perfectly safe and secure,
because we exercised power responsibly,
without allowing anyone else to interfere.

But what if Democrats decide to ignore the will of the minority?
The country could end up without any wars –
defending national security in the middle east or anywhere else –
except maybe here in America where class warfare
could threaten our most successful citizens.
You know damn well they wouldn’t call THAT torture,
but don’t be too quick to judge unless you’ve
been a victim of a bailout with strings attached –
and attached to you know where! ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, May 04 @ 19:47:25 EDT (567 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Dick Privaci on Justice

PoliticsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)


Justice is a funny thing.

Take Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, for example –
anyone paying any attention for past 30-odd years
knows he was one of the nastiest corrupt scumbags
in the Unites States Senate – and that’s an arena where
it’s not easy to stand out as a nasty corrupt scumbag.

I mean, you shoot fifty U.S. Senators at random,
odds are good you hit at least 25 nasty corrupt scumbags --
which could be the basis for a pretty cathartic videogame.
Grand Theft Senate, Drive-by Election. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, April 13 @ 20:30:20 EDT (576 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Beauregard Ravager on Mark Sanford

Politics
Courtesy of The Panthers (VT)

Mark Sanford is my hero –
not just because he’s a multi-millionaire,
not just because he’s the governor of South Carolina,
and not just because, when push came to shove,
and the federal government tried to push
$700 million for education on the state,
Governor Sanford told the federal government to shove it –

He says it’s a good thing that, without federal money,
the public school system could lose some 3,000 jobs –
since, as he says, the public school system is
“a Soviet-style monopoly” – and he’s surely grateful
he never had to go to any public school himself. ...

Posted by Blue1moon on Tuesday, April 07 @ 13:19:33 EDT (595 reads)
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 Humor/Satire: Ali Ben Nossi Explains Afghanistan

War NewsCourtesy of The Panthers (VT)

As-salaam alaykum – may peace be with you
Or, as they say in ancient irony of Afghanistan,
may peace be upon you.

For seven years now, the Afghan people have enjoyed
the benefits of the pax Americana, brought to them
buy the United States with the help of NATO, the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization, which sees a
vital interest in Afghanistan which, with global warming
unchecked, will soon have a North Atlantic coastline.

Seven years of occupation – despite its successes in
killing civilians, spreading government corruption and
revitalizing the international heroin trade – has
nevertheless made the situation on the ground worse. ...


Posted by Blue1moon on Monday, March 30 @ 17:10:34 EDT (553 reads)
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